im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
