if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist