when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit