yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?