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and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
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