so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
