we have officially lost it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
