We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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