I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
