I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
