Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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