i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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