I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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