There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
