I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Someone signed my nipple.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
