I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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