the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize