I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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