Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize