last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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