I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's blow job season.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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