just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
