First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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