I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
