Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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