Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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