My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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