Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
