i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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