there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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