I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize