Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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