Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
