You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
