My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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