my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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