It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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