Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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