So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
