Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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