is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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