He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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