that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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