so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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