nut hugger
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
