i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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