Plan B is the new Plan A
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
