Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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