I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize