Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
