i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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