There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program