i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?