in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.