Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
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Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I could fuck to npr.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga