Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.