Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
