I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
