I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize