I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
did i just pee glitter
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
