Grow some girl-balls and come out already
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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