hotel room ftw
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
